Bonnie Sparks Writes

…fiction and discusses editing, writing, mental illness, chronic conditions, bunnies, food, fitness, and geeky topics.

Leave a comment

My Title Ideas Are the Best

Been a while! Oh my! Things are happening. You’ll excuse me if I go a bit nutty right now. I’ve had a full night’s sleep, I’ve consumed my fair share of caffeine today, and when it comes down to it I am a clown. So there’s that.

Also, it’s just been a really long time. It’s been so long since I blogged that I forgot my WP username and do not recognise WP anymore. Holy shit balls. From blogging addict to Oh yeah, that’s right, I have blogs. I honestly did not predict that happening.

As an aside, I do not like the look of my blog now. I’m going to change all the things. At some point. When time permits. I think I’ll also dump all my old posts into the one category and semi-clean slate it. That will be later though, when I can get my shit together…

What I really have on my mind lately is the crazy changes long-term illness can bring about and the one thing I didn’t contemplate when I was in the midst of it.

You’re living your life. You know who you are. You know what you love, like, dislike, and absolutely loathe. You understand your character. You’re making progress with understanding your internal struggles and their origins. You just know yourself.

Then BAM. A mysterious, isolating, confusing, and debilitating illness derails your life. You end up not being able to do anything you knew or enjoyed before. You need to adapt and in this process you lose yourself. Nine years. Nine years of being derailed and losing yourself. Nine years of adapting to another life and accepting it.

Then you begin to recover. You eventually come out of the other side of the illness-limbo. It’s shocking. You have forgotten things about yourself from before you were ill, but you also remember some things. You realise you, as a person with everything you know about yourself, was put aside while the illness took over. Although you’re back in a way, you’re also someone else.

Now it’s time to learn.

This is what I’ve been doing for the last year. Learning. I’ve learnt even more this year than I did in 2014. I began to work full-time in 2014, became physically and financially independent (finally), had a long-term relationship end (all things end), moved house, and well… found myself out there in the world completely independent and marvelling at all the things life has to offer.

It’s been interesting. I lost my last job, was retrenched, and now have two jobs. I live in an incredible place with incredible people and I love those people. We’re like a little family. I come home and I like to catch up with them and I want to know what they’re doing in their lives. We have family dinner and lunches. I’m so content with my life I can’t find the words.

Anyway, so on another day I’ll probably start listing all the things I’ve learnt and am re-learning about myself. I do like to keep records. It’s a habit I’ve brought with me from the blurry days of illness, but also I believe it is the writer in me. Let’s not forget the OCD though… That’s still there. Ha!

Thanks for reading.

Leave a comment

Somewhere Out There…

Oh look, words and things… I’m around. I’ve been doing life-like things. Began working, after 9 years of debilitating fun times with ME/CFS, full-time. As you can imagine, that’s been a big change to get used to. I’m creating this post at work, on my lunch break, and hoping I don’t fall asleep. I have not had enough because I went to a Pre-NaNo Planning Session!

I regret nothing.

The planning session did make me want to write though. I haven’t been writing. These are the things I have been doing;

Sleeping, Working, and having Weekends

Weekends are amazing. You don’t realise how much you’ve missed weekends until you don’t really have weekends. When you’re trapped indoors every day, not working, weekends and weekdays meld into each other.

I began working part-time at my current job (being a social butterfly and helping customers at BookFari) and then switched to full-time. The head-office is in Eastern Suburbia. I live in Western Sydney Suburbia. There is a lot of commuting going on, but I don’t mind. It’s my reading time. It means I get a minimum of 1 hour’s reading time a day.

So, work is good. I’m mostly used to it now and have my mental illnesses understood (I’d say handled, but hah!). I like having an income too. Money to buy food and gym towels. Just the finer things in life, especially when they can help me keep up with my metabolism (urgh, I’m so hungry).

Exercising Sporadically

Getting a job made me unfit. It’s true. I went from muscle atrophy to working out and exercising every day to sitting on my butt most of the day. At first I was walking the 20 minute walk to work from the station, but then I discovered I could catch the bus. I think I got lazy, but let’s define lazy. Lazy means “unwilling to work or use energy.” Now I’m willing to use energy. I do things, I volunteer my time. I can be proactive. I just didn’t feel like walking all that way when I could be catching the bus and reading instead. Plus hot days equal being sweaty and rainy days equals cold and miserable.

Anyway, so I’ve put on about 4kgs. Not a crazy amount, I know, but I’m short enough it messes up my BMI. Couple that with just not moving and my muscles decided not to like me. Right now I’m working on exercising each day, cutting out refined sugar (oh boy did that give me the shakes), and getting toned. We’ll see how that goes… Continue reading