Right now I’m sitting here staring at my surrounds all bleary eyed and marvelling at how my brain is still functioning. I don’t mean I’m surprised I’m not brain dead, but functioning at the level it is because I’m so not with it at the moment. Sure mostly it’s basic functions mixed in with ideas and interesting thought processes (I wouldn’t be blogging otherwise), but if you try to get me to have a decent conversation with you or follow along on some argument, you might as well be talking to yourself.
I am too sleep deprived!
When I’m sleep deprived or suffering from flu-induced delirium like I have been for the last several days, I often wonder about those writers who write under some sort of mind altered state. Some of my best story ideas come about when I’m in that zone of not quite real, but not quite surreal, the place I’m at when I’m falling asleep. Not all ideas are brilliant of course (I don’t even consider the ones I go with brilliant as it is) and I forget a lot of them once I wake up or try to wake up, but writing and story telling is so fundamental to my state of being now that I will dream stories in my sleep. I’ve dreamt whole novels, not just story ideas or snippets, but the whole novel. A few weeks ago I wrote a novel in my sleep and I thought it was awesome. Unfortunately I woke up and forgot most of it.
Most of the time, when I have these sleep inspired stories, I wait till I’m completely awake or mostly awake (Duzzle is a great example of this) before I begin writing. Other times I really want to force myself to sit up and start writing because I don’t want to lose this idea and feeling, but I’m always scared of losing that connection.
I’m sure you’ve at least experienced in dreams, that when you’re sleeping you can make connections that seem so sublime and make so much sense, but when you wake you start to wonder what you were thinking. The sense of rightness, the sense of wonder, and the feeling isn’t there anymore and most of the time you can’t get it back.
In my experience the same thing happens when you’re inebriated and this is where I start thinking of those intoxicated writers who end up not only making sense, but can stick with it for long enough to create a novel. I always wonder how they don’t lose the connections inbetween one drunken bout and another or inbetween one drug induced mania and another. Not that I admire them, I have drunk in the past, but I’m not a drinker now and I prefer to be in control of my mental facilities, especially now when I suffer from cognitive dysfunction, but it still amazes me. I feel that if they can do it with drugs and alcohol, they can keep that momentum, then why can’t I do it when I’m sleep deprived or delirious from the flu? Why?
It disconcerts me and more so because I can blog right now! I figure I don’t have the mental acuity to string together all those plot twists and details. That must be it.
Needless to say there’s no writing going on this week, which bothers me, but at least I can still plot. Well, when I’ve gotten some more sleep…