Bonnie Sparks Writes

…fiction and discusses editing, writing, mental illness, chronic conditions, bunnies, food, fitness, and geeky topics.

Workout: Not Exercising and Exercising with Illness

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Workout WednesdayIt’s Workout Wednesday time! It’s a chance for me to post about my progress with fitness. I’ve had M.E. (Myalgic Encephalomyelities or incorrectly titled Chronic Fatigue Syndrome) since 2005. When it first began I was in the 5-10% ability range – bedridden, unable to sleep, unable to tolerate noise, unable to do much of anything except lie inert in a dark room.

As you can imagine, muscle wasting occurred and then I developed a blood clot. This blood clot went unnoticed until it travelled into my lungs and split into three blood clots. Such fun! The pulmonary embolism prompted me to get my body moving and now I’ve been building my strength back up, one workout session at a time.

Working out, not working out. Working out, not working out… I’m rambling today. My apologies.

_____

I’ve been working out heaps lately! I’m being sarcastic. Sometimes I am. I haven’t worked out since last Friday, I believe, but I do have a dodgy memory at times so I’m not one hundred percent on that. I’m pretty sure it was last Friday though.

Saturday was shopping and chores, Sunday was family day, and Monday and Tuesday was health issues. I came down with a bout of fatigue, a migraine, some unsteadiness, and some chest pain. Every now and again I’d attempt to do something, but was foiled of course and would need to have a nap, or a bunny hug. I went to the GP and she sent me to the hospital (I’m fine folks). Of course this resulted in lack of sleep, three hours in a forty hour period, and I spent Tuesday as a zombie (Friday’s post will be all about it).

Today it is my nose. Sporadically it will run like a faucet for a whole day, and be quite frustrating. I could take antihistamines, but with the M.E. I was always wary of taking anything new, or I hadn’t had in a while. Now I’m doing more, I am seriously considering the antihistamines.

I miss working out, but I’m so tired! Lots of people say this to themselves, but it’s not an excuse. You know what I say in return? Fuck you tiredness and fatigue! I’ll show you, you bastard. Really. This is what goes through my head. I begin to address my whingeing part of myself as though it is a separate entity and basically sound like I have a disorder I’m yet to address. Yeah. That’s how that works.

I spent over seven years adapting my ideals to listen internally, work around my body, and try to be ok with it. I’ve learnt this is good up to a point when you have an illness like M.E. Your body needs to rest and recuperate when it gets sick, whether you have something common like the flu, or a crazy illness that wants to suck the life out of you long-term. You have to rest.

But there comes a point where it will be detrimental and I found myself so focused on resting and pacing, I wasn’t sure what my body was saying anymore. I began to miss the signs of it saying yes, rest, but please make me work too.

That’s where I am now, resting at times, but mostly working. My body needs to work and it’s had a rest from the hospital so shut up body and work now!

I’m not sure what the point of this post is anymore. Maybe I need more sleep. Or lunch. Yes, lunch would be good.

I do know one thing though, if my nose continues I won’t go to the gym (oh yeah, I’m doing a trial at the local gym, but more on that next time), but damn it if I’m not working out. Instead I will jog on my mini-trampoline! It’s my back-up workout now, jogging for twenty minutes, either skipping or squats (or both), planking, and lunges until my wrist is better.

So, I’m going to go eat now, but will be back in a few days about the hospital and what’s coming next. If you’ve made it down this far, then I hope I didn’t overload you with confusion. Good day to you!

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Author: Bonnie

Between a blogging addiction, hosting reading challenges, reviewing, writing novels, and overcoming a neuro-immune disease, Bonnie attempts to do as many awesome things as she can and has a good dose of daily bunny cuddles. She resides in Western Sydney with her rabbit, Winston.

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