It’s Fucked up Friday time! It’s a chance for me to share health based posts, circling around life with M.E., Type 1 Diabetes, General Anxiety Disorder, Social Phobia, Panic Disorder, Obsessive and Disordered Thoughts, Choking Phobia, Depression, Paranoia, Pulmonary Embolism recovery and getting my life back on track. I always feel like I’ve missed something there, but how many issues can you have? Seriously? Bah!
As you can see, Fucked up Friday isn’t in the title. I don’t want to offend anyone. However, Fucked up Friday has a certain ring to it and it’s me having a bit of fun with the kaleidoscope of health issues I have. I feel it’s best not to dwell too seriously on these issues. Take them seriously, yes, but don’t dwell negatively and let them take over your life. Henceforth, this will be the last use of the term Fucked up Friday in this post. Huzzah!
Today I’m going to wax lyrical about my Hospital trip and what it all means. Boo-yah!
Well, what a week it’s been! I have all sorts of things going on medically, once again, but luckily it’s not as awful as blood clots. This post was originally going to contain three subjects, my hospital trip, the anniversary of coming down with ME/CFS (yesterday), and a realisation I had yesterday, but then this post was on its way to becoming a novella. So I’ve split it up and will be posting another Fucked up Friday post next week. Give me a Woo!
I mentioned in Wednesday’s post I’d visited the hospital. I’d gone in on Monday evening, come home early Tuesday morning, with lack of sleep and even more love for the place.
I admit I struggle psychologically with pain. Before I began treatment for my array of mental illnesses, I considered just about every pain, twinge, ache, could be something other than muscle complaints. I’d latch onto the idea I was having a heart attack, an aneurysm, or had developed a blood clot. I found it difficult to listen to reason, including when it was my own inner rational reasonings, and I would focus so obsessively I drove people around me crazy. I was driving myself crazy.
Then I actually developed a blood clot. I didn’t see that coming! Naturally it messed with my head. I began to struggle with the idea of something in my chest that could have ended my life, something that gave me pain, and something I couldn’t be sure was always causing me pain afterwards. I was always questioning whether it was muscle, bone, or blood clot. I began latching onto the idea of developing yet another blood clot, regardless of treatment, and having a heart attack, or stroke.
I sound like a barrel of laughs don’t I? You should definitely invite people like me to gatherings, I’d entertain the shit out of everyone. Possibly everyone’s sanity too. Then we could all have exhausting thoughts. Part-ay!
I have been getting better. I’ve been reigning my irrationality in and relearnt to consider all the rational possibilities. Most of the time I am capable of not jumping to conclusions and giving myself time to relax and assess what is happening.
So on Monday, I came down with all sorts of annoying bodily problems, and focused on the rational. I’m actually quite proud of myself for not jumping the gun and calling an ambulance. It all began in the morning with a slight pain in my chest, nausea, dizziness, fatigue, and a migraine, but my first thought, when I ignored the irrational nag, was I possibly had a virus. I went through the options of virus, something I ate, not enough sleep, possible dehydration, too much caffeine, blood sugar issues.
I ended up going to the GP, I didn’t even consider going to hospital*, and the GP called an ambulance. Ha! Funny. I don’t blame her for being cautious. Think about it, I’m a type one diabetic, I’ve suffered from a debilitating neuro-immune disease for years, I have low iron, potassium issues, and I’ve recently had a blood clot. Then I come in with some chest pain, dizziness, and fatigue. What would you do?
After a long, long night of no sleep, a CT scan, an X-Ray, blood work, a dose of morphine, and peeing in cups, guess what? I’m all clear for a blood clot! My arteries are good, my heart appears fine, my hydration is great, my blood pressure is perfect, my vitals were normal; on paper I am a very healthy human being. Huzzah!
So the follow-up is a stress test to double check my heart, medication and a gastroenterologist to make sure it’s not reflux issues, and potassium because once again it is low. Apart from lack of sleep, I’m doing fine too. I really feel like I need to workout thought. My muscles feel like they’re going to become like jelly, but a few days of strength training, exercising, sleep, and I’ll be back to where I was. Well, plus more medication, but eh, at least it’s not Warfarin.*If you have chest pains and unusual symptoms, please go to a hospita. One reason I did not was due to knowing deep down I’ve had symptoms like this before. They’re not always there, they’re not always attacking in the same way, but I know when to go to a GP versus a hospital. I just like to question everything and doubt myself often. Fun times! Please, at least call emergency and seriously consider calling an ambulance.