Tomorrow is the first day of NaNo, and I don’t know about the other WriMos out there, but I’m a little freaked out.
There’s many reasons why I’m feeling panicky on the eve of NaNo. I have to keep in mind I suffer from panic disorder and general anxiety order as well so not all my reasons may be rational. I do have my final appointment with the cardiologist tomorrow and I currently have hay fever, which makes me irritable (it’s the stupid aversion cropping up with ME/CFS). Still, I’m finding it difficult to stem the tide of panic bubbling up inside of me.
I haven’t been sticking to my NaNo-Prep Schedule. Yesterday I mentioned my past philosophy on goals and it doesn’t surprise me my former belief crops up at times like this. Life got in the way of following my schedule. I was forced to change my appointments with the Cardiologist and ended up spending a great deal of time out for those appointments. That’s just one instance though and I have done some prep… just not as much as I would have liked…
I’ve outlined two scenes and not spent any time on my character questionnaires or my character’s histories. I’m yet to procure maps for my settings and I definitely won’t have time to draw anything for the train interior (I like visuals). I haven’t mind-mapped at all, but then again I never really understood mind-mapping so maybe that’s a good thing. I’m yet to write out my summary or synopsis, otherwise I would have shared it here already.
Instead of falling into a well of negativity and panic by focusing on what I have not done, I’m going to think of what I have done…
I have cleaned out my Mac, I have set up a pathway for my document for easier access, I have finished setting up a detailed template in Scrivener for me to use for Quiet Please, I have finished the character questionnaires and put them in place, my work space is clean and organised, and I already had a schedule before I decided to do NaNo.
I do have an outline of Quiet Please, it’s skeletal, but it’s there. Just because I haven’t put it down in detail in Scrivener doesn’t mean I don’t know what’s going to happen. I also know my characters, just not their detailed history, and that’s ok with me at this point.
When I feel the panic I think back to when I first participated in NaNo and how I did not have a story idea until three days before it began. Even then I had no idea how I was going to start and what was going to happen. I sat down at my Mac and ended up beginning the story with this question from my MC;
‘I ask you, when does a story truly start? How do you decide? Does it begin with the catalyst or the events leading up to the catalyst? Or does it all depend on your emotions and what stands out to you?’
My lame questions won’t stay, but the important thing for me is it prompted me into creating a story. Of course it helped I had a vague idea of who my character was and I admit I was influenced by the desolation of Fallout New Vegas… From that I’ve ended up with a negative utopia with a fleshed out world, what I would like to believe is a complicated plot, and characters I love.
I have to remember I’ve finished each NaNo I’ve taken part in, and the last one I reached target at three weeks. This reminder does help my mindset, but what helps even more is reminding myself I’m not a one month a year writer. If I don’t finish, it will be ok, I will keep writing in December and beyond.
Phew! Meltdown averted! Enough procrastinating though, I’m going to go outline! Or maybe I’ll sketch some scenery… Hmm… I might just watch one more episode of The Walking Dead…